Blog Archives

MY PASSENGERS AND I (LAGOS STYLE)

MPAI

Yes! I have definitely earned myself the award for the most inconsistent blogger of all time. I mean, this is leisure time stuff and not a source of livelihood. Maybe when the cheques start thronging in…; maybe just then I’d blog more often. Anyway, speaking about having a source of livelihood; I do a Nine to Five. The kind of one that is more like a Five to Nine.

For many of us Lagosians who work on the Island and live on the Mainland; you will agree with me that the hustle is live! Setting out before Five in the morning and a record earliest time of home returns by Nine PM. The hustle indeed is live!

As for me, I like to make the best of everything; including unpopular situations as spending a daily average of Six hours in transit to and fro my place of work. Common! In my extreme benevolence, I’d rather enjoy the beauty of Lagos  traffic and its characteristic twists, turns, outbursts, sights, sounds, outright insanity cum Gargantua gaga…….*sighs*……with a dear passenger. (Sharrat to Oga Pato!)

Here it is; the crux of this post. In my selfless yet selfish quest to find and help passengers who will in turn and unsuspectingly help me cure boredom; I have noted a few interesting kinds of passengers. Enjoy my rough compilation of personal experiences with “special passengers”.

THE QUIET FREAK

“I wish you knew how scared I am to even pick you up randomly on the tough streets of Lagos. Maybe if you had an idea, you would loosen up a bit and cough at least!” These are the words that come to my head when I get a passenger who hops in, glares straight ahead and keeps quiet the entire journey. Abegie, I helped you for a reason, come down jor!

THE DRIVING COACH

“Can you see that bike on your side?”, “Take it easy o, the speed limit here is 70Kmph”, “You forgot to trafficate when you did that turn”, “Isn’t your horn functioning?”, “Your headlamps aren’t bright enough”…

Like seriously? Even if you’re a driving instructor without basic conversation sustaining skills, just be quiet and enjoy this ride with me, buddie.

THE CHICKEN

Aunty, abeg, if you summon so much courage to ride with a stranger, you should have the same courage to face whatever style of driving the stranger adopts. It is embarrassing that someone would start pleading the blood of Jesus and speaking in tongues just because…

You know there are several things to escape from on Lagos roads, I can’t be driving slow na….*Evil Grin*…Well, I’d just take it; you never experredit!

 THE LUCK PUSHERS

Many people don’t think they push their luck too far rather, they see themselves as huge optimists. Hence, they coordinate their lives in this regard even when they hitch a ride with a total stranger. From asking favours to making outright demands; these guys could be pretty handful! On many occasions have I had people ask if I ply that route often and if they could get my phone number and become a frequent rider…amean! I remember one time a guy started changing my car stereo to the station of his choice; I was shocked!

THE NOISE MAKERS

I picked a lady up one day and she must have gotten quite disgusted at my playlist so much that she decided to start playing her own songs. Hahaha, you laughed too, right? Yes it happened and didn’t end there! After she eventually assumed some level of sanity, she stopped her music BUT proceeded to play this lousy game on her tablet. Guess what game…ZUMA!!!

I remember loud phone conversations, snoring, chewing gum blasting etc. Although, I’ve still not picked a passenger who farted aloud but smelly silent farts are some form of psychological noise sha. Just saying!

THE DIRTY RANGER

For some of us who do the cleaning of our cars by ourselves, you will agree that there is a zero-tolerance for dirt or the propensity to acquire same. Although raining seasons are the best times to help anyone with a ride and experience their sincere appreciation but is it really the best time to not get your carpets “neatly soiled”?

Plus have you helped someone who bought Gala,Lacasera, boiled egg, cashew nut, sugar cane, agbalumo etc in traffic and blessed your car with all the organic waste??? *Sighs* I have. 😦

THE CLASSIC SHE-GOAT

This last category is dedicated to this very silly woman I helped some years back. She frowned throughout the journey and reprimanded her crying baby repeatedly. By so doing, she aggravated her child’s travails. You wonder how all of these connotes “Classic She-Goat”. Wait for it, she angrily identified her destination, struggled with the door handle, came down ever more angrily and walked away. No, not even “Tha” not to talk of “Thank You”.

I’m done guys! Share your experiences. God bless.

%d bloggers like this: