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The Little Johny Menace (“The LJM”)

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Guys, guys, guys! I know I’ve been out of here for too long and I always come back with loads of excuses. Well, this time wouldn’t be an exception; I have more excuses, hehehe. WORK!!! I know y’all are beautiful and nice like that and will go ahead to pardon me.

That settled, I want you to brace up for this not-too-typical post of mine. For the ladies who cannot directly relate to this and still insist on going on to read; just enjoy this knowing that the world doesn’t revolve around you on this very matter! The least you could do is to laugh about this. The best being to share with a needy male counterpart.

Some weeks back, a conversation with my friends (guys) skidded off the usual path. We moved from more topical issues like sports, politics, fashion and/ or women, to an unpopular item like The LJM. Of course, not many guys talk about this even as they face The LJM almost every other hour! In short, this post is a wrap up of the entire conversation, the coming reflections and my little additions here and there.

I can hear voices already asking what The LJM means. Guys already know. Well, maybe not all. Some over-sabi babes know sef. SO! The LJM is a state of “body-member-stiffness” experienced ONLY by the male gender, which usually shows itself unannounced.  Before I go ahead to confirm what you already know, let me introduce this refutal that contrary to your randy expectation, The LJM in this context and every letter of this innocent post isn’t the one caused by your intentional resolution to experience one.

Our minds and the several places they stray to and the wrong times they choose to, including a cold weather or the combat against sleep or sleep itself, can deal you a wholesome portmanteau of embarrassment. For some rather naive dudes who experience this menace, thinking it is a peculiar condition to them alone, kindly disabuse your mind from that silly notion. All men across the globe enjoy or suffer this menace, depending on how you choose to see it!

How to save your face in these “troublesome” times is what I intend to share with you, gentlemen. I will share three (3) tricks, the most efficient of which is The Pinch-Yourself one. I can bet that several guys reading might not have heard this before but it works! When you face a ruthless LJM and you need to get up and walk past a number of observing eyes, pinch yourself for a few seconds, especially on the thigh or anywhere around your “other” limbs before you get up. You’d be amazed to find your LJM situation repressed. Once again, I learnt this during that epic conversation!

Another reliable trick is The Hands-In-Pocket style. This one is quite notorious. Your hands in your pocket shall always form an illusion that MAY hide The LJM situation DEPENDING on the degree! Well, guys, this trick only works perfectly if you understand that by pockets, I mean your side pockets and not your back or breast pockets. I’m just saying.

If your hands are well positioned in your side pockets, you could reposition “oga at the bottom” with your hands to ease the situation and gain more comfort. Ensure that while you’re at the repositioning quest, you aren’t giving The LJM a reason to gain more power with the touch of your hands. Phewwww! No be small sumtin!

Now ladies, don’t go around having a judgemental idea about every guy you see with his hands in his pocket. Leave us to worry about our businesses! *Straight face*

The last trick I’d share in a bit is for people who fancy the culture of carrying a bag. The wonders that that bag can do cannot be overemphasized, especially at the times when The LJM stirs you down in the face. Sitting down in a public bus or whatever sort of vehicle where The LJM situation is haunting and there’s the necessity to alight and step into a sea of preying eyes, is one helluva case when you’re without an item as simple as a bag!

A bag, a tablet (wide enough though), perhaps a jacket, held across your crotch in a very tactful manner, done with a seamless smile, can practically save the day.

In all of these, might just be a fourth tip in itself, call it a bonus tip; PLAN! If you observe that you face several LJMs too frequently, you might need to plan ahead. Wearing tight fitting trousers and poor fitting underwear could be disastrous. You could plan what you want your crotch to look like, giving room for concealing a potential case of The LJM. Always remember (and I sound this with every level of sincerity) that it is not the right time to take several glances at your preferred gender (which should be a woman anyway). Take your eyes off. Let your mind go off too. Off to a safe place!

So guys, there you go! You have no reason to go around with funny looking crotches or with your heads buried in your shoulder because of your special gift and the notorious cases of LJMs it deals you. Remember, it is very rude to have an LJM case and not care who is watching or do anything about it. Learn ‘em tricks, use ‘em and share your testimonies…HEHEHE! Share more tricks if you’ve got too!

I’m out!

The Next Titan – Nigeria’s First Business Reality TV Show

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Here’s one good reason to look forward to the weekends nowadays!

For the first time, Nigerian television is centred on young business people and how they go through the challenges of entrepreneurship and business.

The top 16 contestants come from across the country and their businesses are as diverse as they are. However, they have one thing in common, they are all out to win the top prize of 5 million Naira, a brand new car and lasting business support from some of Nigeria’s top business moguls.

It is a Herculean battle…

The youngest contestant is Jubril Juma who at 22 wants to start up a road traffic monitoring system to help you make better route decisions as you commute, while the oldest is 35-year-old Williams Oti from Rivers state who has a plan to start-up a talent school and help young people turn their talents into skill and business.

Also on the show, meet Izizi Okpala who is interested in making your gadgets look beautiful and Tunji Akande who’s jewelry pieces will blow you away. As a matter of fact, you’ll find some of his pieces on the necks, wrists and ankles of several of the contestants, including Tobechi Nneji who is an On Air personality with 92.5 Enugu’s Dream FM. She has the plan to start up a trade and PR fair in South Eastern Nigeria.

Every week, watch how the contestants work their way through tasks, slug it out in the boardroom and sometimes, turn on their ‘best friends’ in the race to win.

16 contestants from all around the country…13 weeks of friendship, rivalry, love, drama, quarrels and money making…13 weeks of business….one big winner

Get a favourite housemate…support your favourite idea…learn the intricacies of entrepreneurship.

Catch the show, every weekend on the following channels

–          Channels TV (DSTV 234) 8pm – 9pm Saturdays

–          OnTv 6pm – 7pm Sundays

Visit www.thenexttitan.blogspot.com , www.thenexttitan.com to read more about the contestant and  follow @thenexttitan and  the tag #TitanNG on twitter for quick information and some behind-the-scene gist from the show and the google hangout with some of the contestants.

Vote for your favourite contestant via SMS- text ‘Titan’ (space) ‘Contestant’s name’ to 33352. SMS’ cost N50 each. 

Wickeed Stones CEO at the next titan show.

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Who remembers the young handsome jeweler featured on MPW lifestyle buzz some months back, Olatunji Akande? (Click here to find the post if you missed it.) Good! He has been selected to strut his stuff at the latest Nigerian entrepreneurial reality TV show – The Next Titan.

He is up against fifteen (15) other young entrepreneurs contending for support and investments in their businesses.

Catch Tunji on:

Fridays – MiTV– 7:30 – 8:30pm (DSTV Ch. 256)

Saturdays – Channels TV – 8:00-9:00pm (DSTV Ch. 254)

Sundays – ONTV – 6:00 – 7:00pm

You will be updated on voting processes soonest!

Send your goodwill messages to Tunji on facebook and on twitter.

Good luck Tunji!

Certificates Vs Experience

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Hello Beautiful Readers,

On this one, I’m craving your indulgence on the subject matter. A worried reader wrote to me about this question on the minds of numerous youths. Those who have come along way through various walls of learning only to discover that there is still more too learn.

She wrote thus:

Dear MrProlifeeq,                              

Although,I’ve been following your blog (the few posts you find time to post,that is), I hardly comment, so  I’d like to say, good job so far.

I’m kinda confused about a particular area in career advancement and I’ll appreciate it if you could share this with your readers.          

Should one gather as many qualifications as possible before getting a job? Or is it better to wait till there’s a job before getting needed and relevant qualifications?

This has been on my mind since the Dangote truck drivers saga and I would love to hear/see people’s views on it.

Thanks

Please make contributions. You just might be saving a generation!

Counting Down To Zero

zeroSalute,

Beloved MPW readers, like you must have noticed, a number of my posts are inspired by things that have lingered in my mind for a while which I end up sharing. This post is no exception. It is another product of my often busy mind. This time however, the thoughts are an extension of my previous post (which you can find HERE).

Very many times when we live nowadays, we just live. Oblivious of many thoughts that should be considered by the second. We just live. You will understand why I think this in a bit.

Sometimes ago, on one of these nose-poking platforms they call social networks, I met this old acquaintance and quickly we started chatting away like we are not mere acquaintances in real life!

All seemed fine until the “What do you do now?” question popped up – of course from me. For a while there was no response to that and when there was one eventually, there wasn’t anything reasonable to hold on to. With all the scattered responses of; “Just chilling”, “I’m doing fine”, “Nothing much, really” and the likes; I guessed, very strongly, that there could be a little shortfall in my expectation of how far this person should have come.

Then I thought to myself, why did I need to know in the first place? I can imagine that a number of people reading this are wondering too! “Bros Prolifeeq, wetin be your own consign,kwa?”*  Quite seriously though, the only reason my mind could come up with is that I needed to assess this person to assess myself. In all sincerity, that was quite it.

In today’s society, many things are expected from one at the attainment of a certain age. In your youth, the minimum expectation of success will translate into academic excellence and/or a decent source of sustenance. Harnessing talents, ideas, skills and the likes – All these inclusive.

Errrm, I just might be wrong. It seems success has taken a new turn. As soon as your life savings can buy you a smart phone, some skinny jeans trousers and a few colourful baseball hats – Alas! Success! For a lady, maybe when you can afford(or get a “sponsor” ) to buy several varieties of human hair, huge bags,numerous  colour blocking “gadgets” and all sorts of material stuff. Hmmm, if excitement has begun for as many that fit into this description, thinking this indeed is it; this piece isn’t really for your specie.

For as many value driven minds and people with remarkable purpose; let us converge in thoughts and have this refreshing discuss. What might we term success to be? A means to an end or an end in itself? A destination or a daily sojourn? A trophy or a feeling of fulfillment? Many questions, isn’t it? Here are some more – What point will you reach before you call yourself successful? With what yardstick do you measure success? Why do you want to be successful?

You will realize that as we attempt to give sincere answers to these thought provoking questions; many personal oversights, wrong assumptions and misplaced priorities begin to surface. We will observe too that for more moments than otherwise, we lose sight of our personal objectives (if we have any, anyway)

The case is usually about us subscribing to a bandwagon of money making as against steadily pushing one’s self to the paramount level of self actualization and fulfillment.

Of course, it is important to pay the bills and possess a sufficient capacity to do same but not at all cost. As far as I am concerned, I blame the overwhelming rise and rise of frustration on desperation. For everyone that will beg to differ with the argument that one needs to be dogged, hardworking, tireless and persevering; we all know the sort of desperation I’m talking about here. Let us not skid off the main point.

At the times when desperation eats deep into your skin and you find “anything” which is not that “something” that you will rather be engaged in; frustration creeps in. The processes in working out that “anything” becomes unnatural, clumsy and pretty bumpy! One will be caught up in an unending rat race, most certainly!

Just so that success wouldn’t be a case of “almost there” for us all, we need to stop for a moment to ask ourselves all these questions again. Some sort of reality check; you might want to call it!

Many reasons why people want to succeed these days are pitiable. Let it not be for show off or for public display: Will you still have a reason to want to be successful?

The interpretation of success that the media of today portrays it as, is one more reason why priorities are voluntarily misplaced. The rate at which people channel useful energy and/or resources to irrelevance is quite a pointer to  this.

The idea is this – Personal examination and proper comprehension of one’s strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats should inform every motive to want to grow, develop, expand and succeed. Very simply put. Otherwise, the rat race will continue without a medal for it. Considering that no one ever sees the end of a rat race, anyway!

Whichever way time reveals itself to you, slow or pacy; make the best use of it…for your good. Remember, what is not good is bad, just saying. Set standards, set limits, be purposeful, be committed, be contented, be positive, be hopeful, be original and in all things; be you!

When every activity you engage yourself in culminates to your overall satisfaction (not at the detriment of someone else, anyway); you will discover you are on an automatic cruise control to greatness.

Live life beautifully so that tears and a sack full of unpleasant memories do not characterize your last days. Choose to enjoy and end life’s sojourn with a huge smile!

~MrProlifeeQ~

N.B

“Bros Prolifeeq, wetin be your own consign,kwa?” – This means; “Why are you concerned, MrProlifeeq”

Dear Readers,

I hope it was a refreshing read.

Kindly air your views about your understanding of success and the topic of discuss at large.

Thanks for sharing knowledge always!

The Way We Quietly Grow Old

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