Category Archives: Let’s Talk About It

MY PASSENGERS AND I (LAGOS STYLE)

MPAI

Yes! I have definitely earned myself the award for the most inconsistent blogger of all time. I mean, this is leisure time stuff and not a source of livelihood. Maybe when the cheques start thronging in…; maybe just then I’d blog more often. Anyway, speaking about having a source of livelihood; I do a Nine to Five. The kind of one that is more like a Five to Nine.

For many of us Lagosians who work on the Island and live on the Mainland; you will agree with me that the hustle is live! Setting out before Five in the morning and a record earliest time of home returns by Nine PM. The hustle indeed is live!

As for me, I like to make the best of everything; including unpopular situations as spending a daily average of Six hours in transit to and fro my place of work. Common! In my extreme benevolence, I’d rather enjoy the beauty of Lagos  traffic and its characteristic twists, turns, outbursts, sights, sounds, outright insanity cum Gargantua gaga…….*sighs*……with a dear passenger. (Sharrat to Oga Pato!)

Here it is; the crux of this post. In my selfless yet selfish quest to find and help passengers who will in turn and unsuspectingly help me cure boredom; I have noted a few interesting kinds of passengers. Enjoy my rough compilation of personal experiences with “special passengers”.

THE QUIET FREAK

“I wish you knew how scared I am to even pick you up randomly on the tough streets of Lagos. Maybe if you had an idea, you would loosen up a bit and cough at least!” These are the words that come to my head when I get a passenger who hops in, glares straight ahead and keeps quiet the entire journey. Abegie, I helped you for a reason, come down jor!

THE DRIVING COACH

“Can you see that bike on your side?”, “Take it easy o, the speed limit here is 70Kmph”, “You forgot to trafficate when you did that turn”, “Isn’t your horn functioning?”, “Your headlamps aren’t bright enough”…

Like seriously? Even if you’re a driving instructor without basic conversation sustaining skills, just be quiet and enjoy this ride with me, buddie.

THE CHICKEN

Aunty, abeg, if you summon so much courage to ride with a stranger, you should have the same courage to face whatever style of driving the stranger adopts. It is embarrassing that someone would start pleading the blood of Jesus and speaking in tongues just because…

You know there are several things to escape from on Lagos roads, I can’t be driving slow na….*Evil Grin*…Well, I’d just take it; you never experredit!

 THE LUCK PUSHERS

Many people don’t think they push their luck too far rather, they see themselves as huge optimists. Hence, they coordinate their lives in this regard even when they hitch a ride with a total stranger. From asking favours to making outright demands; these guys could be pretty handful! On many occasions have I had people ask if I ply that route often and if they could get my phone number and become a frequent rider…amean! I remember one time a guy started changing my car stereo to the station of his choice; I was shocked!

THE NOISE MAKERS

I picked a lady up one day and she must have gotten quite disgusted at my playlist so much that she decided to start playing her own songs. Hahaha, you laughed too, right? Yes it happened and didn’t end there! After she eventually assumed some level of sanity, she stopped her music BUT proceeded to play this lousy game on her tablet. Guess what game…ZUMA!!!

I remember loud phone conversations, snoring, chewing gum blasting etc. Although, I’ve still not picked a passenger who farted aloud but smelly silent farts are some form of psychological noise sha. Just saying!

THE DIRTY RANGER

For some of us who do the cleaning of our cars by ourselves, you will agree that there is a zero-tolerance for dirt or the propensity to acquire same. Although raining seasons are the best times to help anyone with a ride and experience their sincere appreciation but is it really the best time to not get your carpets “neatly soiled”?

Plus have you helped someone who bought Gala,Lacasera, boiled egg, cashew nut, sugar cane, agbalumo etc in traffic and blessed your car with all the organic waste??? *Sighs* I have. 😦

THE CLASSIC SHE-GOAT

This last category is dedicated to this very silly woman I helped some years back. She frowned throughout the journey and reprimanded her crying baby repeatedly. By so doing, she aggravated her child’s travails. You wonder how all of these connotes “Classic She-Goat”. Wait for it, she angrily identified her destination, struggled with the door handle, came down ever more angrily and walked away. No, not even “Tha” not to talk of “Thank You”.

I’m done guys! Share your experiences. God bless.

The Little Johny Menace (“The LJM”)

Image

Guys, guys, guys! I know I’ve been out of here for too long and I always come back with loads of excuses. Well, this time wouldn’t be an exception; I have more excuses, hehehe. WORK!!! I know y’all are beautiful and nice like that and will go ahead to pardon me.

That settled, I want you to brace up for this not-too-typical post of mine. For the ladies who cannot directly relate to this and still insist on going on to read; just enjoy this knowing that the world doesn’t revolve around you on this very matter! The least you could do is to laugh about this. The best being to share with a needy male counterpart.

Some weeks back, a conversation with my friends (guys) skidded off the usual path. We moved from more topical issues like sports, politics, fashion and/ or women, to an unpopular item like The LJM. Of course, not many guys talk about this even as they face The LJM almost every other hour! In short, this post is a wrap up of the entire conversation, the coming reflections and my little additions here and there.

I can hear voices already asking what The LJM means. Guys already know. Well, maybe not all. Some over-sabi babes know sef. SO! The LJM is a state of “body-member-stiffness” experienced ONLY by the male gender, which usually shows itself unannounced.  Before I go ahead to confirm what you already know, let me introduce this refutal that contrary to your randy expectation, The LJM in this context and every letter of this innocent post isn’t the one caused by your intentional resolution to experience one.

Our minds and the several places they stray to and the wrong times they choose to, including a cold weather or the combat against sleep or sleep itself, can deal you a wholesome portmanteau of embarrassment. For some rather naive dudes who experience this menace, thinking it is a peculiar condition to them alone, kindly disabuse your mind from that silly notion. All men across the globe enjoy or suffer this menace, depending on how you choose to see it!

How to save your face in these “troublesome” times is what I intend to share with you, gentlemen. I will share three (3) tricks, the most efficient of which is The Pinch-Yourself one. I can bet that several guys reading might not have heard this before but it works! When you face a ruthless LJM and you need to get up and walk past a number of observing eyes, pinch yourself for a few seconds, especially on the thigh or anywhere around your “other” limbs before you get up. You’d be amazed to find your LJM situation repressed. Once again, I learnt this during that epic conversation!

Another reliable trick is The Hands-In-Pocket style. This one is quite notorious. Your hands in your pocket shall always form an illusion that MAY hide The LJM situation DEPENDING on the degree! Well, guys, this trick only works perfectly if you understand that by pockets, I mean your side pockets and not your back or breast pockets. I’m just saying.

If your hands are well positioned in your side pockets, you could reposition “oga at the bottom” with your hands to ease the situation and gain more comfort. Ensure that while you’re at the repositioning quest, you aren’t giving The LJM a reason to gain more power with the touch of your hands. Phewwww! No be small sumtin!

Now ladies, don’t go around having a judgemental idea about every guy you see with his hands in his pocket. Leave us to worry about our businesses! *Straight face*

The last trick I’d share in a bit is for people who fancy the culture of carrying a bag. The wonders that that bag can do cannot be overemphasized, especially at the times when The LJM stirs you down in the face. Sitting down in a public bus or whatever sort of vehicle where The LJM situation is haunting and there’s the necessity to alight and step into a sea of preying eyes, is one helluva case when you’re without an item as simple as a bag!

A bag, a tablet (wide enough though), perhaps a jacket, held across your crotch in a very tactful manner, done with a seamless smile, can practically save the day.

In all of these, might just be a fourth tip in itself, call it a bonus tip; PLAN! If you observe that you face several LJMs too frequently, you might need to plan ahead. Wearing tight fitting trousers and poor fitting underwear could be disastrous. You could plan what you want your crotch to look like, giving room for concealing a potential case of The LJM. Always remember (and I sound this with every level of sincerity) that it is not the right time to take several glances at your preferred gender (which should be a woman anyway). Take your eyes off. Let your mind go off too. Off to a safe place!

So guys, there you go! You have no reason to go around with funny looking crotches or with your heads buried in your shoulder because of your special gift and the notorious cases of LJMs it deals you. Remember, it is very rude to have an LJM case and not care who is watching or do anything about it. Learn ‘em tricks, use ‘em and share your testimonies…HEHEHE! Share more tricks if you’ve got too!

I’m out!

Certificates Vs Experience

thinking

Hello Beautiful Readers,

On this one, I’m craving your indulgence on the subject matter. A worried reader wrote to me about this question on the minds of numerous youths. Those who have come along way through various walls of learning only to discover that there is still more too learn.

She wrote thus:

Dear MrProlifeeq,                              

Although,I’ve been following your blog (the few posts you find time to post,that is), I hardly comment, so  I’d like to say, good job so far.

I’m kinda confused about a particular area in career advancement and I’ll appreciate it if you could share this with your readers.          

Should one gather as many qualifications as possible before getting a job? Or is it better to wait till there’s a job before getting needed and relevant qualifications?

This has been on my mind since the Dangote truck drivers saga and I would love to hear/see people’s views on it.

Thanks

Please make contributions. You just might be saving a generation!

Counting Down To Zero

zeroSalute,

Beloved MPW readers, like you must have noticed, a number of my posts are inspired by things that have lingered in my mind for a while which I end up sharing. This post is no exception. It is another product of my often busy mind. This time however, the thoughts are an extension of my previous post (which you can find HERE).

Very many times when we live nowadays, we just live. Oblivious of many thoughts that should be considered by the second. We just live. You will understand why I think this in a bit.

Sometimes ago, on one of these nose-poking platforms they call social networks, I met this old acquaintance and quickly we started chatting away like we are not mere acquaintances in real life!

All seemed fine until the “What do you do now?” question popped up – of course from me. For a while there was no response to that and when there was one eventually, there wasn’t anything reasonable to hold on to. With all the scattered responses of; “Just chilling”, “I’m doing fine”, “Nothing much, really” and the likes; I guessed, very strongly, that there could be a little shortfall in my expectation of how far this person should have come.

Then I thought to myself, why did I need to know in the first place? I can imagine that a number of people reading this are wondering too! “Bros Prolifeeq, wetin be your own consign,kwa?”*  Quite seriously though, the only reason my mind could come up with is that I needed to assess this person to assess myself. In all sincerity, that was quite it.

In today’s society, many things are expected from one at the attainment of a certain age. In your youth, the minimum expectation of success will translate into academic excellence and/or a decent source of sustenance. Harnessing talents, ideas, skills and the likes – All these inclusive.

Errrm, I just might be wrong. It seems success has taken a new turn. As soon as your life savings can buy you a smart phone, some skinny jeans trousers and a few colourful baseball hats – Alas! Success! For a lady, maybe when you can afford(or get a “sponsor” ) to buy several varieties of human hair, huge bags,numerous  colour blocking “gadgets” and all sorts of material stuff. Hmmm, if excitement has begun for as many that fit into this description, thinking this indeed is it; this piece isn’t really for your specie.

For as many value driven minds and people with remarkable purpose; let us converge in thoughts and have this refreshing discuss. What might we term success to be? A means to an end or an end in itself? A destination or a daily sojourn? A trophy or a feeling of fulfillment? Many questions, isn’t it? Here are some more – What point will you reach before you call yourself successful? With what yardstick do you measure success? Why do you want to be successful?

You will realize that as we attempt to give sincere answers to these thought provoking questions; many personal oversights, wrong assumptions and misplaced priorities begin to surface. We will observe too that for more moments than otherwise, we lose sight of our personal objectives (if we have any, anyway)

The case is usually about us subscribing to a bandwagon of money making as against steadily pushing one’s self to the paramount level of self actualization and fulfillment.

Of course, it is important to pay the bills and possess a sufficient capacity to do same but not at all cost. As far as I am concerned, I blame the overwhelming rise and rise of frustration on desperation. For everyone that will beg to differ with the argument that one needs to be dogged, hardworking, tireless and persevering; we all know the sort of desperation I’m talking about here. Let us not skid off the main point.

At the times when desperation eats deep into your skin and you find “anything” which is not that “something” that you will rather be engaged in; frustration creeps in. The processes in working out that “anything” becomes unnatural, clumsy and pretty bumpy! One will be caught up in an unending rat race, most certainly!

Just so that success wouldn’t be a case of “almost there” for us all, we need to stop for a moment to ask ourselves all these questions again. Some sort of reality check; you might want to call it!

Many reasons why people want to succeed these days are pitiable. Let it not be for show off or for public display: Will you still have a reason to want to be successful?

The interpretation of success that the media of today portrays it as, is one more reason why priorities are voluntarily misplaced. The rate at which people channel useful energy and/or resources to irrelevance is quite a pointer to  this.

The idea is this – Personal examination and proper comprehension of one’s strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats should inform every motive to want to grow, develop, expand and succeed. Very simply put. Otherwise, the rat race will continue without a medal for it. Considering that no one ever sees the end of a rat race, anyway!

Whichever way time reveals itself to you, slow or pacy; make the best use of it…for your good. Remember, what is not good is bad, just saying. Set standards, set limits, be purposeful, be committed, be contented, be positive, be hopeful, be original and in all things; be you!

When every activity you engage yourself in culminates to your overall satisfaction (not at the detriment of someone else, anyway); you will discover you are on an automatic cruise control to greatness.

Live life beautifully so that tears and a sack full of unpleasant memories do not characterize your last days. Choose to enjoy and end life’s sojourn with a huge smile!

~MrProlifeeQ~

N.B

“Bros Prolifeeq, wetin be your own consign,kwa?” – This means; “Why are you concerned, MrProlifeeq”

Dear Readers,

I hope it was a refreshing read.

Kindly air your views about your understanding of success and the topic of discuss at large.

Thanks for sharing knowledge always!

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