MIRROR OR GLASS: WHO DO YOU SEE?-II

Greetings to all!
I’m overly excited by the followership this blog has garnered within a short span of time. I appreciate every clicking finger and every viewing eye. I also appreciate the many that shared, retweeted, liked and posted links to this blog(not forgetting the reviews and comments). You all have been a source of heartfelt joy.

My previous post accentuated the need to fence the mind off lurking predators and to allow access to the very few that merit such privilege. Consequently, the question as to WHO deserves such privilege arose. This post however, is a personal attempt to proffer answers to that question as promised.

I therefore, introduce to all(in no particular order); MY list of 10 YARDSTICKS TO DETERMINE WHO DESERVES THE MIRROR YOU OR THE GLASS YOU:

1. NATURE OF THE RELATIONSHIP:
This yardstick is almost all encompassing, as it carefully deals with all classes of relationships. Hence, the reason for its volume.

The need for establishing several levels of relationship can not be over-emphasised, as humans can not function wholly in their individual cocoons.

Relationships kept with family, friends, neighbours, acquaintances, associates, colleagues etc., are essential in their own rights but vary in extent of dealings.

It is important to properly understand “the place” and relevance (or otherwise) of every person with whom we might have one reason to relate with or the other.

•COLLEAGUES/ ASSOCIATES:
Every business you have with a colleague (especially at work) should be strictly business. A formal relationship should be kept with such individuals. This set of people deserve the mirror you to a large extent.

Maintaining the mirror you does not necessarily translate into being unpleasant or rude but with a friendly countenance, you can properly conceal your personal thoughts. I bet you must have noticed how a “colleague-turned-close buddie” relationship usually ends on a sore note.

•ACQUIANTANCES:
This class of individuals are usually uninterested in the boring details of our lives. They are contented with the “hi and bye” exchange. For as long as they remain in this class, they deserve nothing but the mirror you. (There is no mincing words about it)

•FRIENDS:
In the activities of everyday living, certain people (different from family) earn their spots in our hearts as dear. The mutual affection shared is sometimes deeper than that shared with family. What is life without friends- good friends?

Yes, that’s the twist. There are good ones and bad ones. Funny enough, these bad ones usually started off as good! The joke would be on whoever finds it difficult to discern who deserves what between this dichotomy.

It is from this circle however, that the dilemma of choosing who determines the mirror you or the glass you emerges. An attempt to ease the severity of this dilemma is what paves way for the emergence of these nine(9) other yardsticks.

2. FLIPPANT Vs CONFIDANT:
A secret is no longer one when it is shared with another. Don’t be surprised at how fast it becomes hot gist on the tongues of many when it is divulged to an unrepentant flippant(I call them “Idle Talk Generals”). Friends who find it relatively easy to go on about irrelevance(with so much skill) do not deserve anything better than the mirror you. Express your mind to only those who have that confidant pedigree(at your own discretion).

3. EGO TUSSLE:
People with complex issues usually want to learn about you to gauge their ego. They scavenge for information only to assume their elements. Such people show respect to people they know less about. This “respect” drops as they equip themselves with details of one’s life. Deal with this crop of people accordingly. They usually deserve the mirror you.

4. ANTICIDENTS:
A lot of events shape our perception of others. A vital basis for determining who deserves the mirror you or the glass you is the events of the past.
When a friend is noticed to be inconsistent in showing affection and in conduct(a come and go friend); you stand a chance of getting hurt if you keep showing the glass you.

5. LEVEL OF TRUST BUILT:
What is friendship without trust? When trust is earned, be sure to harmonise your definition of trust with that of whoever you are trusting. Sometimes, an expectation gap(in the definition of trust) might ruin a seemingly rosy relationship. Care and caution is highly required in releasing personal and/or sensitive matters, solely on the basis of trust.

6. THE ISSUE IN QUESTION:
Have you ever wondered why you piloted a conversation(with whoever) towards a certain topic? Did you repeatedly hit your head against the wall afterwards?
Very many points of discuss are mostly unnecessary. Somethings are too much(sensitive) to share with another within the friends zone. Such issues should permanently hide behind the mirror you.

7. A MEANS TO AN END:
A purpose should be drawn at any level of discuss. We share ideas or thoughts when in search for knowledge, at the emergence of a “what-to-do” situation, to communicate feelings and perhaps, for recreation.
Be careful to establish that while you are sincerely letting off issues about your life for advice or admonishing; you are not an item of recreation for the other.
Purposes of discuss should properly align. Reach the “destination” of a conversation safely!

8. DYNAMO EFFECT:
Caution(abi precaution sef) should be taken in a relationship kept with friends, mutual friends and friends of mutual friends. Otherwise, a lush avenue for “dem say dem say” would be created.
There is no better way of explaining the “dynamo effect” than the dynamo itself. Just a friend can pull down a pack. Be careful who you say what to in this circle. It takes effort. Take it anyway. It pays off.

9. RULE OF THUMB:
(This is actually a disclaimer…hehehe)
As humans and not robots, we can not singularly exist by following rules and guidelines to daily existence. We should allow(very naturally) the play of our discretion, judgement, convictions and wits.
Once a while, enjoy your adventurous self and throw caution to the wind. (You’re on your own when talk show face from back…Yorùbá speakers; roger that!)
Choose the pattern with which your mind is accessed and assessed in the best way that suits you. After all, it is all about you.

10. POINT NUMBER 10:
I can also learn from you too! 😀 Let me in on what you consider a yardstick to determining who deserves the mirror you or the glass you.

However, I’d love to end this post with the yorùbá proverb that says; “Ti a ba n’se ore, a ma n’fi aye ojo ija si’le.”
(Translation: We should envisage and properly cater for the sore moments in friendship from the inception of such friendship.)

N.B:
I appreciate the time spent to read this post and I hope it was worthwhile.

Writing this sequel and the first instalment was an eye opener for even myself. I sincerely appreciate everyone who pushed for a swift pressing of this post.

Kindly share with friends. Keep sharing knowledge!

Detunji Demuren

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Posted on June 28, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. This is no doubt a good great piece friend! Keep the ink flowing…

  2. Hav learnt so much from this piece again……..I just believe not everybody deserves the “glass side” of us,so we should always be careful who we reveal our personal issues to.what amazes me more is how people meet each other on an easy platform and immediately start discussing their personal issues with them,when I come in contact with such people,what immediately comes to my mind is “sorry I can’t tell U mine”.Cos to such individuals they don’t see anything as “personal issues” and so the same way they are gonna discuss ur own issue with other people.All the same lez work more on our individual self,that goes a long way to choose within the family and friend zone who we will show the “glass part” of us.

    • Yes o! Absolutely. I like the way you share your thoughts about my posts. Shows how you must have digested the info therein. Thanks for this support. God bless.

  3. Did I say that you are a mad good writer…well you are a mad smart writer too. I recently pralli showed someone the glass me wen I shouldnt av. Point #6 kinda made me realize that. You are doing good mehn. Keep doing your thing. #yarrrr haha

  4. Tunji, brilliant sequel. I like your use of words, however, be mindful that you have views from all over the world, so consider explaining your Nigerian slangs e.g sabi sabi (a Nigerian slang meaning “one who claims to know too much”. My number 10 would be what the other person shows me too. I’ll show him what he shows me. Mirror for mirror, glass for glass. Thumbs up Tj.

  5. A true eye-opener, welldone my frend.

  6. Oluwabusayo Toyosi Olugbenga

    My Saturday is just gettin started on a very good note by readin this piece..with this,I know much better about human relations…..Good job!

  7. This is indeed a write-up! Its inspiring, captivating and an encapsulation of facts; And I totally concur with the implied truths that its best to put up the mirror-you until you’re certain that the glass-you can surface. GOD bless you Monsieur!

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