Monthly Archives: June 2012
Greetings to all!
I’m overly excited by the followership this blog has garnered within a short span of time. I appreciate every clicking finger and every viewing eye. I also appreciate the many that shared, retweeted, liked and posted links to this blog(not forgetting the reviews and comments). You all have been a source of heartfelt joy.
My previous post accentuated the need to fence the mind off lurking predators and to allow access to the very few that merit such privilege. Consequently, the question as to WHO deserves such privilege arose. This post however, is a personal attempt to proffer answers to that question as promised.
I therefore, introduce to all(in no particular order); MY list of 10 YARDSTICKS TO DETERMINE WHO DESERVES THE MIRROR YOU OR THE GLASS YOU:
1. NATURE OF THE RELATIONSHIP:
This yardstick is almost all encompassing, as it carefully deals with all classes of relationships. Hence, the reason for its volume.
The need for establishing several levels of relationship can not be over-emphasised, as humans can not function wholly in their individual cocoons.
Relationships kept with family, friends, neighbours, acquaintances, associates, colleagues etc., are essential in their own rights but vary in extent of dealings.
It is important to properly understand “the place” and relevance (or otherwise) of every person with whom we might have one reason to relate with or the other.
Every business you have with a colleague (especially at work) should be strictly business. A formal relationship should be kept with such individuals. This set of people deserve the mirror you to a large extent.
Maintaining the mirror you does not necessarily translate into being unpleasant or rude but with a friendly countenance, you can properly conceal your personal thoughts. I bet you must have noticed how a “colleague-turned-close buddie” relationship usually ends on a sore note.
This class of individuals are usually uninterested in the boring details of our lives. They are contented with the “hi and bye” exchange. For as long as they remain in this class, they deserve nothing but the mirror you. (There is no mincing words about it)
In the activities of everyday living, certain people (different from family) earn their spots in our hearts as dear. The mutual affection shared is sometimes deeper than that shared with family. What is life without friends- good friends?
Yes, that’s the twist. There are good ones and bad ones. Funny enough, these bad ones usually started off as good! The joke would be on whoever finds it difficult to discern who deserves what between this dichotomy.
It is from this circle however, that the dilemma of choosing who determines the mirror you or the glass you emerges. An attempt to ease the severity of this dilemma is what paves way for the emergence of these nine(9) other yardsticks.
2. FLIPPANT Vs CONFIDANT:
A secret is no longer one when it is shared with another. Don’t be surprised at how fast it becomes hot gist on the tongues of many when it is divulged to an unrepentant flippant(I call them “Idle Talk Generals”). Friends who find it relatively easy to go on about irrelevance(with so much skill) do not deserve anything better than the mirror you. Express your mind to only those who have that confidant pedigree(at your own discretion).
3. EGO TUSSLE:
People with complex issues usually want to learn about you to gauge their ego. They scavenge for information only to assume their elements. Such people show respect to people they know less about. This “respect” drops as they equip themselves with details of one’s life. Deal with this crop of people accordingly. They usually deserve the mirror you.
A lot of events shape our perception of others. A vital basis for determining who deserves the mirror you or the glass you is the events of the past.
When a friend is noticed to be inconsistent in showing affection and in conduct(a come and go friend); you stand a chance of getting hurt if you keep showing the glass you.
5. LEVEL OF TRUST BUILT:
What is friendship without trust? When trust is earned, be sure to harmonise your definition of trust with that of whoever you are trusting. Sometimes, an expectation gap(in the definition of trust) might ruin a seemingly rosy relationship. Care and caution is highly required in releasing personal and/or sensitive matters, solely on the basis of trust.
6. THE ISSUE IN QUESTION:
Have you ever wondered why you piloted a conversation(with whoever) towards a certain topic? Did you repeatedly hit your head against the wall afterwards?
Very many points of discuss are mostly unnecessary. Somethings are too much(sensitive) to share with another within the friends zone. Such issues should permanently hide behind the mirror you.
7. A MEANS TO AN END:
A purpose should be drawn at any level of discuss. We share ideas or thoughts when in search for knowledge, at the emergence of a “what-to-do” situation, to communicate feelings and perhaps, for recreation.
Be careful to establish that while you are sincerely letting off issues about your life for advice or admonishing; you are not an item of recreation for the other.
Purposes of discuss should properly align. Reach the “destination” of a conversation safely!
8. DYNAMO EFFECT:
Caution(abi precaution sef) should be taken in a relationship kept with friends, mutual friends and friends of mutual friends. Otherwise, a lush avenue for “dem say dem say” would be created.
There is no better way of explaining the “dynamo effect” than the dynamo itself. Just a friend can pull down a pack. Be careful who you say what to in this circle. It takes effort. Take it anyway. It pays off.
9. RULE OF THUMB:
(This is actually a disclaimer…hehehe)
As humans and not robots, we can not singularly exist by following rules and guidelines to daily existence. We should allow(very naturally) the play of our discretion, judgement, convictions and wits.
Once a while, enjoy your adventurous self and throw caution to the wind. (You’re on your own when talk show face from back…Yorùbá speakers; roger that!)
Choose the pattern with which your mind is accessed and assessed in the best way that suits you. After all, it is all about you.
10. POINT NUMBER 10:
I can also learn from you too! 😀 Let me in on what you consider a yardstick to determining who deserves the mirror you or the glass you.
However, I’d love to end this post with the yorùbá proverb that says; “Ti a ba n’se ore, a ma n’fi aye ojo ija si’le.”
(Translation: We should envisage and properly cater for the sore moments in friendship from the inception of such friendship.)
I appreciate the time spent to read this post and I hope it was worthwhile.
Writing this sequel and the first instalment was an eye opener for even myself. I sincerely appreciate everyone who pushed for a swift pressing of this post.
Kindly share with friends. Keep sharing knowledge!
My first day at work was filled with the usual chills of observing the new environment, getting introduced as the “new guy” (always very awkward) and learning about my job description to the detail and in the environment where it is required. Oddly, the event in that day that still replays very freshly in my mind was my visit to the gents.
After taking a twinkle and washing my hands, I looked to the mirror to ensure I was okay to exit the room. There I began a journey into a wilderness of my own thoughts; solely initiated by the signage glued to the mirror. It read; “The man in the mirror is responsible for his own safety.”
I stood numb in front of the mirror for a minute too many, pondering at a billion-thoughts-per-second pace. When I came around, I discovered the interesting nature of the mirror and its interplay with the human mind.
Considering that I walked into the room through a semi-opaque glass door that I had no fascination for whatsoever; I confidently postulate that a mirror stands to be of a better VALUE than a mere glass. Thus, a mirror is an upgrade of an ordinary glass by the reflective “shield” behind it. It would effectively serve the purpose of a glass and an additional purpose of reflecting images.
As it is common knowledge that only valuable items are worthy of being secured against destruction, abuse or devaluation; so should be the HUMAN MIND.
The human mind seats in the nucleus of the soul and dictates the quality of the will, intellect and emotions of its host. It is indeed an object of value; a well spring of life’s essence- YOU ARE YOUR MIND!
With that much said about its significance, it is instructive to NOT, as the ordinary glass; subject the mind to the innumerable eyes seeking its devastation. Take up the appearance of the mirror and adorn your mind’s corridors with a reflective shield which throws the viewers into an abysmal realm of searching.
Have you ever had that friend, colleague, associate or relative that you find boring, predictable or sometimes repulsive? (You are imagining some persons that fit this profile, right?) I put it to you that your judgement of them as such is not unconnected to how they had left their minds to the vulnerability of your examining eyes. We lose interest in people because of how much we know about them and our usually-accurate prediction of their speech, silence, actions and inactions.
When we personify the ordinary glass; we stand the risk of bearing the “see-through” status and suffering a universe of consequences including;
*being taken for granted (wholly or partly),
*being considered boring and repulsive,
*smearing an aura of provocation all over one’s self,
*losing beneficial relationships and ties,
*being predictable and susceptible to danger,
*constant verbal and/or physical abuse, etc.
In the down times of our lives(which is the part the world enjoys learning about-Sad but true), we should learn to climb back up the hill without showing the world how those moments must have pummelled our inner man. Enjoy the monopoly of that information and forge ahead! Like I learnt; only a few people sincerely care about your worries, a little more than that number show concern for the fulfilment they feel knowing about your peril and a larger chunk do not give a damn! So, pose your minds as mirrors; reflecting the wisdom or otherwise of the peering eyes. Leave them to demystify the contents and watch how your essence grows.
Of course, no one should earn the reputation of a shut system, detached from the world and the many virtues it avails. Let the mind be carefully garrisoned but only open to the very few necessary people at your own discretion.
It takes conscious effort to determine who(within the friends zone) deserves to be shown the “mirror you” or the “glass you”; as close family members and loved ones should enjoy the glass side.(for that amiable co-existence due to their category) CAUTION: From time to time, let them “enjoy” the mirror side to rekindle the interest!
Therefore, as we continue towards the height of self actualization, let us stay relevant while we are at it: Keeping our minds safe. After all, it is the fountain from whence cometh the issues of life.
I hope this post served as light to the darkness of ignorance and/or revealed new dimensions to seemingly established perceptions. I humbly implore all to contribute to the endless quest of knowledge by linking personal experiences to this topic of discuss. Either to buttress established view points or to disagree.
More excitingly, please look forward to the post sequel to this, for; “10 YARDSTICKS TO DETERMINE WHO DESERVES THE MIRROR-YOU OR THE GLASS-YOU.”
Keep supporting the light; keep supporting knowledge!
Sweet Mischief: A little too much of it?
Many of us find pleasure in reminiscing about our childhood days and the many events that characterized same. A number of these memories leave huge grins on our faces or sometimes lure us into an involuntary outburst!
For some of us who had our childhood in the years before the widespread availability of modern day technology, the “you-can-stay-indoors-and-have-fun-all-by-yourself” era and its enabling gadgets; I’m sure an avalanche of memories has already overwhelmed your thoughts. The sweetest of these memories however, couldn’t be anything short of mischief- YES, MISCHIEF!
Before I go on, can we all reach a consensus that there are some pranks that kids could skim and play out that can safely pass as “sweet mischief”? Those in support say; “YEA!”; those against say; “NAY!” *Looks around and clears throat* Wow,what a mischievous bunch you all are!
The inexhaustible list of “sweet mischief” we contributed to as children spanned from; a-football-game-renders-the-neighbour’s-glass-broken scene, to the naughty classroom pranks aimed at teachers and gullible colleagues(I’m still surprised at the almost infinite number of this breed) and on to the famous(or infamous…depending on the perspective of the players or their parents!) “Daddy and Mummy” game YOU all enjoyed playing *nudge nudge; wink wink*… I never played or liked that game sha! *adjusting halo*
MOVING ON!!! It is never the case of a smile or chuckle when we remember such memories as of some kids who took/take pleasure in expanding their craft of mischief beyond the parameters of what can be considered; “sweet”.
I once had this neighbour who loved to share with anyone and everyone how stubborn her male child was or is.(deliverance fit don make am change sha)
She had nothing better to speak of her son and he lived up to the hype very consistently! Before his fifth christmas, he had undergone two(2) major orthopaedic procedures and had lost a milk incisor to his stubbornness! Although, I’m unaware of what he has eventually turned to be but I can imagine what he might have become if only he grew worse.
When the behaviour of your child is continuously characterised by aggressiveness; such a child should be kept under “surveillance” and steps should be taken to salvage the situation.
Experts in child care speak of various measures to be taken to manage such class of children BUT I advice that they are adopted and administered intelligently as no two challenges can be perfectly alike. These steps may include;
*checking their mental health,
*observing new habits and tracing the source of same,
*spending more time with them,
*to never allow a communication gap between you and them,
*organising family outings and getaways….works like magic!
*to always emphasise proper etiquette,
*rewarding good behaviour and actions reasonably,
*to find and administer commensurate punishment for wrong deeds,
*punishments should be creative and geared towards developing the child,
*smartly ignoring attention seeking children(where necessary),
*to desist from unnecessary beating and/or yelling. It never really works (didn’t work for you sef, remember?)
*to seek proper and professional counsel.
(Please applaud me for generating this list as I’ve never had or catered to a child before!) *taking a bow*
In my opinion, parents and guardians owe their children and wards the much freedom they require for them to have a childhood(lest they search for it in their adulthood….small pun intended) but paramountly, owe the society the duty to check the affairs of their young ones and ensure that every mischief they might be up to will conveniently and generally pass as sweet and acceptable.
A number of homes have suffered and are suffering from what I term; “the black sheep syndrome” and many of these children are left to explore beyond the circumference of “sweet mischief”. They eventually decay at an almost-unnoticeable rate of retrogression.
Today, our world is filled with adults who needed special attention (Attention to the very little things) in their childhood but didn’t get. If you are wondering what these adults may have become; ponder no more. Just turn on your televisions, check the internet space, read newspapers and periodicals, put an ear to your radio or take a walk through the dark alleys. Then you will learn about the millions of persons who choke the earth of its peace. The ones once left to enjoy a little more than sweet mischief.
The paparazzi wouldn’t mind an unhealing blister on their forefinger just to catch your next move on camera,they trail you to your closet and they are not done yet,it gets worse as your life gets better,that’s the life you chose!
Ever had a pause moment to ponder on what life in the spotlight means or translates into? It is,most often than not,more difficult than the rigours of trying to get into it.
Lights,camera,action,fans,friends,family(if you ever have time for them),your past,present and future,projects,legacies,scandals and more scandals;the list is endless.
If you EVER(yes,I stressed the word “EVER”) have a personal life,it is still difficult to untangle your other half,it is like a plate of scrambled eggs,pretty hard to unscramble! You are completely drenched in thoughts of what next step to take to keep you,relevantly in business. As time progresses,the fans demand better flavour,better put;more value for their monies.
A few years ago,you were a voice crying in the wilderness,you had the kind of life which now,with every sense of remorse,you crave for. Its a far cry from what obtains now,even your whisper would be aired.(respect to the ying-yang twins)
Wait a moment,let’s drag ourselves to the inner chambers of conscience and come out real with one another,can an entertainer have a private life? Whatever offset of the entertainment industry you belong to;music,film or comedy,it is pretty hard to entertain your fans just well enough! Apart from your act on stage or the various aspects of your showbiz,they will rather have a little more.
Ironically,the “little more” in their perspective is that nerve-wrecking bit you just might want to escape. When smiling is the last thing on your mind, they would,very sweetly,force you to wear one,demand to take pictures,some even want to have a chat,better if they kept it short,some people just go on and on. To any head liner, his enthusiasts are more like strangers, but in the hearts of the fans, he is warmly adored and felt closer than a brother.
The other day, I was at this gathering; one of these big shows people can’t stop talking about these days. I decided to have a blast all through. It all went well until it got to some point at the after party, when I couldn’t help but get lost in the activities of a string of fans and one of our big names around. For lack of a better word, it was embarrassing. Some ladies and some guys who ofcourse, have a problem or two with which gender they belong to, just couldn’t get their hands off him. It became a little more embarrassing when, on his departure, his admirers didn’t give him a chance into his car! I bet after that night, he would see employing some fierce looking bodyguards as good investment.
That the limelight sucks out the privacy in one’s life should be a message entertainers and intending entertainers must come to terms with. Consequently, worry less about a regular life and if you get caught up in the web of a tireless crowd of fans, keep the smile on and say to yourself; “this is the life I chose.”